July 05, 2006

...plus a quarter is fifty

26) I get distracted, I will leave trails of things I am doing all over the house. This would explain why I have so many projects involved with yarn unfinished.
27) I am easily guilted. I have this sense of over responsibility, to the point where I will apologize for things that are not my fault at all...like someone else's behaviour.
28) I don't like spiders. I don't hate them. I just prefer them outside and at a safe difference. And as an odd note, I've noticed that lately when I see a spider, there is usually going to be something coming down the pipeline with the X.
29) I love rain. I love walking in the rain. It's weird. Despite the cold and the wet, I will walk in the rain if I can.
30) I am completely spontanious. Really. Impulsive might be the better word. I've decided to move out of my parents in one week (years ago), flown to L.A. because I found a good ticket in a week in a half, cut my hair in an afternoon (meaning, many inches and not a trim). I think knowing that I tend to be impulsive is a good thing...makes me use a little too much sense when it comes to men.
31) I'm not very good with people telling me what to do. For some reason I seem to think I know it better. Although I realize that this is not the case...and when it's not the case, I just don't want to hear it.
32) I am sucker for food that is not good for you. Buffalo wings, McDonald's fries, pie, pizza, etc...yum. I have to constantly remind myself not to eat nothing but junk for a solid week. I did well today...turkey sandwich on wheat bread.
33) I hate to exercise. It's not that it's that bad, it's that I just don't think I'll ever be that 20-year old again. Sigh.
34) I really really need motivation. I know that it is a mind set, but I just like warm blankets so much more.
35) I am not a morning person. My mother always told me that one day I'd learn to adapt to it. I'm still waiting.
36) I have a hard time with change. I hate to admit that. I don't let things go very easily. I don't know why that is. Seriously, there are people in this world that if you had asked me 10 years ago if I expected that I would be enjoying their friendship now...I would have laughed. Problem is, is that this often can spill over to my relationships with some men too, which explains my entire relationship with the X. I am noticing that this has been happening more recently as well with new people.
37) I hate to admit when I am wrong. Although sometimes I do...it depends on the issue.
38) I can admit to all sorts of faults. I'm not very good at altering the behaviour though. I'm trying...work in progress. :)
39) I am not sure how to "be myself" although I think I do it everyday. I do have this tendancy towards extreme self conciousness.
40) I don't give myself enough credit. Other people see me as a strong, independant, self sufficing, individual. I don't see this myself.
41) I like to read. A lot. Too bad that a majority of it is just fluff for the brain though.
42) I like to learn. Although...it goes back to the whole discipline thing...not so good.
43) Depression does not exist in my world anymore...for me that is...this coming from someone who was medicated once upon a time, when the X helped me to convince myself that I indeed was crazy. I realize that depression is a very real thing for many many people...many many of my friends as a matter of fact. I just don't want to wake up one day and look back and be like...damn, is that what I did?
44) I think I offend people sometimes...not intentionally, but by accident because I don't necessarily plan out my words...I just spill my thoughts.
45) I like ren faire...I think. I used to go almost 6-7 times when it was in town for the 2 months it runs. But last year I didn't go, this year I might make it. The whole incident with my X has deterred me from a lot of things.
46) I really have to watch that non-existant flood gate of my mouth...see #44...sometimes I share information about my life that I really shouldn't...like with the normal people...like people I work with.
47) I don't think I really fit in with the normal people. I can. But they just tend to be so mundane. They don't have a lot to talk about...other than, cute kids, bad dates, drinks, gossip, sports, work...etc.
48) Although...I think that in some ways are my friends...I consider my friends to be family. I have good friends and I am happy about that.
49) Sometimes I put friends ahead of my family. My parents and the kids are really the only people I consider to be family in the traditional sense...everyone else is sort of on the outskirts. They don't really know me. I think that bothers me.
50) I can write very boring boring blogs...I swear I will commence the knitting again soon. I've taken the pictures, I just haven't had the time.

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